I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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