apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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