Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
