there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
