Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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