my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Randomize
