hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
