Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
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