I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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