Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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