omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
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She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
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Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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