not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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