may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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