Just cropdusted the office
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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