last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
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