the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
