break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
