I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Randomize
