bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Hippo gnu deer
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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