Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
How does it feel to date your dad?
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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