I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
