Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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