the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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