Will you blow on my dice?
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
