I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
