these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
PANTIES FOUND
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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