you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
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there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
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It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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