I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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