I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
