Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
