I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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