So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
