my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
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