i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
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