my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
this will be a night to untag.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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