idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
