Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
my penis made a compromise with my morals
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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