it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
