Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize