eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
We are all done wearing pants today
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
