How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
