I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize