i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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