Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
