We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like death gave me a hand job
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
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