Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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