I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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