Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Screwed.edu
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
