Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
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