Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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