Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
