Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
this is an emotional support booty call
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Randomize
