His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
