Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Randomize
