i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
