If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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