i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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