mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I'm having to shit out rocks
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
