Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
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