At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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