Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
