i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
