Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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