when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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