can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
