Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
