OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
That's how pantless uber rides happen
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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